So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
