i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
