After last night, I could never be a politician.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
True strength comes from lack of pants
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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