I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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