but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
