3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
love makes seman taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize