I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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