When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
