He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
