I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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