Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I have already put on my inside pants.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
