Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
