All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize