I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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