I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize