The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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