So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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