I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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