What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I pour the whiskey from now on
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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