smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
