I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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