i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
well you can't waste a boner
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
