So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
