As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
