Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
