she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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