the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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