I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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