the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
