butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
