Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
