yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
