You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
