So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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