please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
