Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
