and you said cock pushups were impossible
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
