she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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