I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
