Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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