You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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