We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
