My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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