I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
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I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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