Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
