dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize