you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
