Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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