I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
