she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
