the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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