Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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