i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
