Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
