Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
