please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
