the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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