Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
