One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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