At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
