He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
