Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
