I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
