There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
