that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
