Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
